Tips for Surviving Holiday Eating

Just start preparing yourself now.. Buy bigger jeans.

1.  DON'T eat carrot sticks.. this just should not be part of a holiday buffet.

2. ALWAYS wear the party hat from the bon bon

3. DON'T forget about the gravy... always use it! make a mashed potato volcano and fill it with gravy!

4. Make sure the potatoes are mashed!

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. 

6. DON'T exercise under any circumstance.

7. If you come across something really good on the buffet table.. sit close to it!
8. Applies for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?

9. STAY AWAY from the fruit cake


10. always have seconds

11. DON'T judge others and other won't judge yourself.

12. Undo one button on your pants... if you don't it may pop off and hit Grandpa in the eye

13. Get out of there before you have to help with the cleaning.

14. When everybody is socialising away from the dining room... sneak back in for leftovers, no body will know that you're gone.

15. Eat all you can eat.. but push it, break your record!

Tips for Surviving the Male Species

I guess they don't do anything right so we'll have to make it ok for ourselves..

1. ALWAYS use tears as blackmail
2. NEVER try and give them hints... they never understand.
3. When a guy uses a pick-up line like 'If you were a burger at McDonalds i'd call you McBeautiful...'  WALK AWAY
4. If they turn and run when you pucker up... they probably aren't interested.
5. When a guy breaks up with you keep all his clothes... they are useful to practice your tie dye!
6. Always date someone taller than you
7. if your best mate is a player... DON'T set him up with a girl friend.
8. ALWAYS aim for a tradey.. they look good with dirt on their face.
9. If a guy punches a wall.. run.. you did something wrong!
10. Only talk to them during an ad break.. it's the only time they'll listen
11. DON'T ask them what they're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
12. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to.. expect an answer you don't want to hear.
13. Making a male sleep on the couch isn't punishment... it makes them feel like they are camping.
14. NEVER leave them alone around $3 beers.
15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and apparently neither do they.